I finally got it! Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about. Relax, it wasn't worth your time to read about it until now anyway.
On Sept 19, I ordered a few CDs from Amazon (including one from Bob Malone) instead of using CD Baby like I should have. Because I selected the free shipping option, they took a few days to process the order and shipped it on Sept 21. The US Postal Service decided to lose the order somewhere between Philadelphia and Bethlehem.
Amazon, still offended by the free shipping thing, refused to do anything about it until after the "expected arrival date" of October 5. So I sent them a message on the 6th (t+15 days). To their credit, they did ship a replacement the next day, and sent it by UPS 2nd Day, no less. You'd think that was the end of my problems. You'd be wrong.
UPS had a properly addressed package, with the right ZIP+4 and everything. (Yes, I know that's a USPS thing, but they still know about it.) This morning at 5am, while the package was on the truck for delivery, it got rerouted. So at noon when I see it's delivered, there's nothing. I had to use the name of the person who signed the package to track down where it went. Not only that, but when I called, that person had apparently just left for lunch.
The end is, I drove to the other location and picked up my CDs. Now I have my music. Finally.